So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
