I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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