The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
