theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
