just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
