i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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