I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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