so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
