I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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