my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
