so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was like his penis was on wheels.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
