Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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