there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
