Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
COCAINE IS GR8
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
