i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
