I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
