people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
