this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
