So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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