Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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