it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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