So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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