So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
