oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
