he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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