How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
