Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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