Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
True strength comes from lack of pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
