So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
vagina is talking i cant
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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