just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
