You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
