I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
