I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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