I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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