Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
