I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
