; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
