Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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