my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
