He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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