She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
