so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
