i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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