I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
