You just made me feel so damn special
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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