You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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