I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
