Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
