I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
