Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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