please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
