I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
